Five things I loathe about getting my hair cut
1. Sitting in front of a mirror for an hour
Honestly, if I wanted to make myself puke I’d just stick my fingers down my throat. It’s more humane than making me deconstruct my appearance and all its flaws over the course of an hour, with increasingly ridiculous hair and someone irritatingly good looking flitting in and out of the reflection.
2. Being too short for the appliances
It’s not just the humiliating half hour spent jacking the seat up to its highest point, it’s also the dull ache in my neck after straining to get my head over the sink rest.
3. Hate-hate-hating the haircut but saying you like it
My very inconvenient personality flaw that renders me incapable of saying anything negative to anyone in a position of power means that when the hairdresser shows me the back of my head into which they’ve painstakingly shorn a lightning bolt, I’ll say I love it, pay my fifty hard-earned pounds then go home to cry myself to sleep.
4. Being given a cup of tea but not being able to actually drink it because you’re too nervous to move
Aforementioned personality flaw extends to unauthorised movement whilst in the chair of submission.
5. Paying so much money
Now, don’t get me wrong, I know it’s a skilled profession and there’s no way I’d do even a passable job of cutting anyone’s hair; but since when does every hairdresser in the world get to charge the best part of £50 for a trim? This is why I have to live through the sharp intake of breath every time I visit the hairdresser and answer their suspicious ‘When was the last time you had it cut then?’
