Archive for March, 2010

It’s not easy being short

Posted on March 30th, 2010

Last night I went to see a band*. Well, that’s a bit generous – what I actually saw was a lot of people’s backs, a host of phones and cameras waving about in the air and a rip-roaring light show. In the absence of being able to see anything worth looking at I spent some time analysing the ceiling of the venue, turning to my boyfriend, Matt, at one point to say, “Look, someone’s left a folder up on that netting!” Kind soul that he is, he dutifully looked up and “enjoyed” the moment with me but I could tell there was pity behind his smiling eyes. Pity, and a desire for me to shut up so he could enjoy the actual show. I…

I suspect it’s known as ‘growing up’

Posted on March 15th, 2010

I’ve forgotten almost everything from when I was a kid – when, how and why did this happen? I must not have been paying enough attention or something, because I can only remember about a day’s worth of stuff from the first sixteen years of my life. And what made me realise this? Shameful. Thank goodness there are internet-types to remember things like the Little Professor, track them down and re-purpose them as novelty geek-bait for me – well, for me if I’m willing to part with thirty of my hard-earned pounds. Which I’m not. But still, it’s one less black spot in my mind. Ah, nostalgia.

We’re really mourning the death of the ’80s

Posted on March 10th, 2010

You’re a vampire Michael! My own brother a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire. You wait til mom finds out, buddy. RIP Corey Haim. I feel bad on behalf of everyone expressing grief at your passing who didn’t give two hoots about what you did when you were alive. Me included. Sorry.

Five things I loathe about getting my hair cut

Posted on March 10th, 2010

1. Sitting in front of a mirror for an hour Honestly, if I wanted to make myself puke I’d just stick my fingers down my throat. It’s more humane than making me deconstruct my appearance and all its flaws over the course of an hour, with increasingly ridiculous hair and someone irritatingly good looking flitting in and out of the reflection. 2. Being too short for the appliances It’s not just the humiliating half hour spent jacking the seat up to its highest point, it’s also the dull ache in my neck after straining to get my head over the sink rest. 3. Hate-hate-hating the haircut but saying you like it My very inconvenient personality flaw that renders me incapable of saying anything negative…

Films I’m falling over myself to see

Posted on March 3rd, 2010

I’m on a cinema diet. It’s budget-imposed and is particularly difficult as it has come at a time when there’s a ridiculous number of films I’d love to see. A Single Man – partly because it gives me hope that one day, when I’m wealthy and successful for something else entirely, I’ll be able to turn around and say, “Yeah, now I’m going to make a film” and for it not to be a horrible, horrible failure. Partly because it’ll be so stylish it’ll make me feel as though I’m stylish just for going to see it. Partly because I want to see Colin Firth do something that’s worth seeing. But mainly because I love Julianne Moore, who I’ve loved since Benny and Joon.…